hmpfffffffff

yeah well it's time for the annual schoolball
and your sat on a chair at home
looking out the window
i've been staying at your house for quite a bit now
you're my only real family anyway
i see you looking out the window and i'm wondering what you're thinking
you've been there for hours
as people move in and out of the room you remain
blissfully unaware
of your surroundings
of them
of me
i've decided to stay with you and by now it's nearly dusk
you take no notice of me
you haven't spoken at all and i haven't tried to fill the silence
finding my voice
after it's being unused for several hours
i shakily clear my throat and i ask rather hoarsely what are you looking at?
you tell me you've been watching the birds flit about
from tree to tree
i say i've never known you to be so fond of birds
you whisper to me that you are just in awe of them
you want to be a bird
i look at you and i am wondering why is that? but i do not ask
you continue on after a moment's pause
you say they do not have to meet standards
they are not expected to wear dresses and heels
do their hair all nice
wear makeup
and they don't have to worry if they have fuzzylegs
despite my intentions i cannot help but chuckle
you say to me it's all true
your voice now above a whisper yet still meek you say
they don't have to go to schoolballs
they don't have to meet expectations
they can just be
and this whole time you haven't turned to look at me
but kept your focus on the birds
so i move my chair next to yours and i follow your gaze
and i whisper if to no one but the still room
birds are beautiful creatures
and so i'm sat there on a chair next to you looking out the window
joining in your blissful unawareness
watching the birds flit about

emmm

well i've come over again
i'm sitting on your bed holding my knees to my body
you're getting dressed but i have my head turned away from you
you call to me so i look over
you're in baggy jeans but you are topless with your back to me
you tell me to look at you
why am i so ugly? you ask me
i tell you that you are mistaken
look in the mirror
so you look and you start to cry
and i ask you what is wrong? you are beautiful
and you cross your arms over your chest and turn to me
and you say these do not fit
i look at you quizzically
you go to your closet and disappear into the darkness
i hear faint rummaging sounds
what are you looking for i ask? with no response
you come out with a bandage and a clasp
you go to the mirror and start wrapping your chest down
i wonder how you can see what you're doing
with your tears freely flowing
your hands are shaking
you are panting trying to catch your breath
i cannot help but turn away
i look at my hands which are folded around my knees
you tell me look at me LOOK AT ME! are you ashamed of me? you ask
i tell you no of course not and so i turn and look
you are fumbling with the clasp
i get up off the bed and take the clasp from you
no words are exchanged
i get it fastened and you turn to me
looking into your eyes i see sadness but relief
you tell me that you are finally free
which is funny to me since you are bound
bound by your inhibitions
your confusion
the bandage
you slip on a tank
and then a tee and i look at you
you're flat straight down your torso
you're looking in the mirror crying but you are content you say
you say that this is how it is supposed to be
and tomorrow you are cutting your hair short
i tell you that you will always be the same person to me
i look at you and i see your tee and baggy jeans
i go to sit back down on the bed but do not lose focus on you
you come to sit next to me
you bring your knees to your body and hold them tight
your hands clasped around your legs
you are glad i've come over

Tid i am in painness for u....

took it down.... twas stupid blog ne way lol.

haha i am suprised i wasn't blockedddddd....

*sits down* *FWOMMMMMMMMMMMMeeeeeWWWWeeeeeeuh*

talking about whoop (when said in convo) and how it's similar to woopie cushions and that's the noise a woopie cushion makes. gets squeeky at the end too.

i am having a moment. a long lasting moment. (that was meeee all of um todayyyy and most dayss haha.).

i don't mind my taste (to Ms. O and wtf?!)

oh Katie.... they're in the kitchen?? what is she posing seductively with the cutlery??

talking about Brian's model in the living room.

i make my self laugh and nothing's funny!! (happens frequently. too frequently.).

Linds how's ur cockporn chicken??
oh my gosh
POPCORN

umm.... there really is no explanation for that one lol.

okay yeah.... have a good one all.

some musicc....

song lyrics "...You say it dont matter Youre livin life and livin alone And hear the phony laughter Echoing on and on Your hiding under water I pray to G-d wash me away Cant hear the childs wonder The innocence got hushed along the way..."

interesting verse imo.... hope u all like it tho.

Hiding Under Water-Beth Hart www.myspace.com/officialbethhart

arg alls u in lovvvve....

no matter how many times it might be said.... "oh how come ur so mushy?".... "oh just come off it".... how many times i "lol" at ur countdowns ;).... all that other nonsenseness....

well....

in truth.... i want that too.... >_<.... no matter how much it painns me to say that i long to be mushy.... well.... *mumbles and manages to hide the grimmace* i long to be mushy....

ne one??.... no?? eh.... okays. oh well.... *goes back to corner*....

have a good one all.

purrito >' '<

so.... MSN is funn.... hmmm....

click to make it bigger if u wanna see the Big Momma's i made during my lovely chat with T & T and PA.... um .... a lot of thought went into the creation of the Big Momma's.... seriously. so yeah, might not look that hard, but.... ask them..... was quite the convo and then ya go and somehow (oh really :P) temptt me to make em.... haha.... but it was all worth it.... me thinks.... lol :).