yeah

when i went off to my room for the night you summoned me back
a quiet text asking me if i'd come in
i walk to your room holding my phone tightly
i come in
i see you laying in the fetalposition on your bed
i come over to you in a hurry
what's wrong i ask?
you tell me that nothing is that you're fine and you sniffle
a few tears lining your cheeks
you ask me to sit on the couch
not to look at you
so i sit down and ask why did you call me in?
are you hurt?
no you assure me
you say you are just thinking
and i hear the sniffles become more frequent
i look over and i see your tears are now flowing uninhibited
your breathing growing faster and faster
i tell you to relax
just tell me what's bothering you
and you say to me
all of this stress
people being rude to the ones i love
i'm being asked too much
be more girly be more studious
at least they have my sister
and i look at you and tell you you're being silly
by this point you're hyperventillating
i go to you and tell you to sit up catch your breath
and i watch you struggle to sit up and you clutch your knees to your chest
albeit your eyes are swollen and your lips red and quivering
tears staining your face
you are beautiful and i'm in awe of you
i'm not quite sure what to do but i fake it
i am overpowered by your raw pain
i just stand there calmly trying to make sure you don't pass out
please try to breathe i say gently
and you take deep breaths and lay back down
you tell me you are fine and to go back to the couch
i sit on the edge of your bed instead
and i hear your breath quicken as you try to conceal it all
i tell you i am here for you i am not going anywhere
and so i stay for three hours
your breathing slowing down then growing rapid every other minute
i am worried
you are shaking violently
struggling for control
shivering
whimpering
you can barely get words out at this point
i keep asking you what can i do what can i do?
you stutter to me each time n-n-nothing i-i-i'm f-f-f..f
and you cannot even complete your sentence
i tell you that you are not fine
that i am going to have to go against your wishes and get help shortly
so you get up off the bed
staggering
and tell me to hold on hold on that you have a thought
and i see you going through your drawers
you pull out a couple of your pills from when you had a cold
you say they'll knock you out
that this has happened before but not the point where you needed meds
i watch you dry swallow them
and you stumble back to the bed
you curl up and i stay on your bed watching you
making sure that you're ok
twenty minutes later you are sound asleep
and i go back to the couch
and i sit and look at you
i am not quite sure what to feel
so i come back to your bed and watch you
you're definately asleep
so i go back to the couch and sit
placing the phone i'm still clutching in my hand on the armrest
relaxing
feeling the comfort of the soft couch